Album of the Week: Blue - One Love

One Love is a genuine tour de force. If god himself had come down and booked 2 weeks in Abbey Road Studios and worked with music’s finest creators like Blunt and Barlow even he could not have made something so beautiful, so heart wrenching, so uncontrollably erotic as One Love. From Ryan’s vocal gymnastics to Webbe’s soulful, almost nonchalant, rapping, from James’ stunning delivery to Costa’s playfulness One Love has it all. This album will instantly make your life, and by the mere fact that they know you, all of your friends lives, instantly sexier. Blue have taken existence to the next level. Enjoy living it.

Word of the Day

The word of the day for today is:

BOBBINS

Bobbins - Noun

1. Crap
2. Rubbish
3. Useless
4. Pointless

e.g. "Big brother. What a load of bobbins." or " That song is bobbins."

Welcome bobbins into your vocabulary. You won't regret it.

Politician of the Century - DAVE CAMERON

(Dave is the one on the left)

According to http://www.davidcameronmp.com/, Dave was born in October 1966 but this is in fact not true. Our fearless leader was born in a Conservative think tank in 2001 using a wonderful concoction of sperm from Tony Blair, Paul McCartney and Margaret Thatcher. Again people think that Thatcher was a woman but she were a man. Iain Duncan Smith was assigned the task of collecting the sexy juices as punishment for being completely useless. Anyway Dave quickly rose through the ranks to become the sexiest politician ever. Here are some bullet points proving just how incredible the Davester is:

• His webcam address is http://www.webcameron.org.uk/ which is probably the cleverest URL ever and is in keeping with the Daveatrons dry humour and quick wit.
• According to wikipedia there have been 11 unsolved murders in Britain since 2001 but the Dave Machine doesn't have any alibis for any of these fuelling rumours that he needs to eat human livers to survive.

Dave is like Jesus but real and sexy and toned and humble and well groomed and playful and creative in the sack and fragrant and authoritative and awe inspiring and melodic and he tortures puppies just because he gets off on it:

The Weekly Wanker

EDDIE HOBBS IS A WANKER!

Eddie Hobbs was born in a ditch in 1957 to Bob Hobbs and a goat. A female goat, obviously. At an early stage of his life Eddie showed acute signs of wankeritis before blossoming into a fully grown up wanker. As a border in secondary school he won the Soggy biscuit olympics, setting a record time of 19 seconds to both ejaculate on and eat the biscuit. Despite all of his great "financial achievments and shrewd business deals" he still looks back on his days as an olympian as his fondest. Not many people know that in spite of his apparent financial genius Eddie can't perform simple additions or subtractions. He claimed in his vulgar autobiography, "Eddie: Secret diary of a callgirl", that " 2 + 2 =7 and I will stand by that till the day I die". Which we all hope isn't too far away. Get off the radio you WANKER!

For more info visit: http://eddiewankerhobbs.bebo.com

Great TV Shows: Dexter

DEXTER



Dexter is really fucking brilliant. He's a serial killer yeah but he only kills bad guys like murderers, paedophiles or gingers, especially gingers actually. Oh and really ugly babies. Don't act shocked. We've all seen one before. It has the potential to be really bobbins and all "oh this is morally ambiguous, you're rooting for a murderer" but it isn't bobbins at all. Far from it. Probably because Michael C Hall in the title roll is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. Something else. Should there ever be an award for best on screen transformation from a repressed gay funeral director to a serial killer, he would win it easily. If they had cast David Caruso or Steve Guttenburg as Dexter it would be awful. In CSI: Miami Caruso touches his sunglasses approximately 746 times an episode. That's all well and good for solving murders but it leaves you no time to commit them. Anyway I'm rambling. I can't stress enough how good this show is. Start watching it now..... Although seeing as I'm the only person that's ever going to read this blog, I watch it already. Hooray for me.

Sweets of the Week #1

Welcome to the world's favourite weekly sweet review, "Sweets of the Week"





The first member of the sweet family under review needs no intro. I give you, the inspiration for this blog.... JELLY TOTS

Jelly tots were launched in 1967 and quickly became the greatest sweets in the world. They come in five flavours: lemon, lime, orange, blackcurrant and strawberry. All of which are superb. Even the orange ones. Orange sweets usually suck but not with JTots they don't. No chance. It's often said that if the baby jesus cried he would cry tears made of jelly tots and they would feed the people. This is probably bullshit though. Thank you Nestlé. It'd nearly make me forgive you for the whole babymilk thing.

Welcome

Hello. Everywhere I go I hear "blog this" and "there's some crazy shit going on in that blogosphere man". I also hear people shouting "wanker" alot. People ask me why I haven't caught on to the latest trend on the intraweb and put up my thoughts about stuff i like and things that are really gay. Well now I have and the blog world has just been taken to the next level. This shit just got real. Whatever "real" is...

"Those are the headlines, God I wish they weren't"